'Maid' up!

After 4 long faithful years, my maid quit her job. She was frequently falling sick, and her mother had been hospitalized, She got her priorities right and decided to stay at home, taking care of herself and her loved ones. An absolutely right decision for her.

But for me? My world came tumbling down, my house was turned upside down and… I was lost. And I passed through various stages:

Denial: ‘This cant be happening. It’s just a bad phase in her life, she’ll get over it and come back. I know it.’

Hope: ‘Yes. She’s sent her daughter to work for me. That means she will come back eventually.’

Acceptance: *Screaming*: ‘WAKE UP! She’s gone and you have to get a new maid!!!!

So for the last week, I’ve been at it. Trying. Testing. Talking employment terms. Work negotiating. Became much the wiser for it. And here I am, to write a little bit about my new acquired fount of wisdom.

When we join a company, we look at many things. Is the work environment friendly? Is the work life balance, well… balanced? Is the work exciting? And of course, is the pay good?

When a maid joins, her set of criteria are totally different. Well, somewhat…

Her criteria are simpler. For instance:

How much furniture in the house?

A house crammed with heavy pieces of furniture is a maid’s delight. They eyes veritably light up. Less surface area to jhadu pochcha, whatte fun!

However, the same doesn’t apply to ornaments and artifacts (leaning Towers of Pisa, DDLJ cow bells from Europe, miniaturized pyramids, forsooth…). She will sniff violently and turn up her nose at it. What? You want me to dust this everyday?

And of course, there is your ‘Situation in Life’.

This is almost a single deciding point for her. She has a clear Pecking Order. And I think I’ve got it right.

1)      Bachelors and young, busy couples:

Maids love bachelors (for other reasons apart from the apparent!!!) They’re … never…around! These are the ‘Chaabi’ variety maids. What do I mean? Strung on the aforementioned maid’s finger will be keys of different shapes and sizes, of the different houses she works for. She will go at a time of her convenience (equals when the employers are not present) and merrily work by her rules. (I didn’t mop the floor today. Will anyone really know? *Evil grin*. She’ll come late on weekdays (when everyone is running off to office) and early on weekends (when everyone is sleeping). *Again, evil grin*

2)      Young, conscientious couples:

‘I want to be around when the maid is working’ (usually the woman, NEVER the man). So the maid comes at a time when the employers are around. But it’s not too stressful; I mean, how demanding can a young couple without encumbrances be?

3)      Couples with parents:

Maids are a little wary of the ‘parent’ word. Conjured in their heads are visions of people constantly supervising their every action with a magnifying glass. So when a barrage of parents are expected on any given day, the maid conveniently falls sick, has to go to her village or has to attend to some ‘emergency’ which suddenly cropped up (I had no idea that a simple street fight would lead to my son being locked up in prison THE WHOLE NIGHT, didi!)

4)      Couples with children

Eeks! When children come into the picture, the maid gets nightmarish. ‘Bacche ka kaam karna hai kya’? with a baleful (and a furtive – to see how naughty/old/ill behaved the aforementioned child is) look. ‘OK, didi (with a big concessionary sigh). I will take care of your kid at only Rs. 2000 an hour’. Seriously? Can I quit my job and become a nanny?

5)      Couples with children and parents

Do this variety find maids to all? Hmm…I don’t know. All the veritable ingredients that can make a maid run screaming all packed into one household!!!

I moved from bracket 1 to bracket 4 when I had a baby. And I’m feeling it, how!

I finally installed the hired help in the house a few days back. I’m still getting those furtive glances and unsure looks around the house. Wish me all the best…I need all the luck I can get!